Four Years and Change...

Just for the record, I'm still going Sober. I do less meetings, yes. I have many friends from Program land that I stay in touch with. And i do drop by Home Groups every once in a while to check in and to help other alcoholics by offering my support... See, I'm busy living my (sober) life these days. And that's the way it should be, don't you think?

Two Years Today

Today marks my second year of sobriety...

I've picked up a two year chip at a morning meeting that I attend regularly...

And I'll chair an afternoon meeting at my home group this afternoon...

All of this before Judgement Day due to arrive at 6pm... LOL

Meanwhile... Ralph Marston posted a wonderful piece on his blog today...  

"Life is what it is Life is unfair, your problems are not your fault, no one understands you, and there’s never enough time. All of that is true and none of it matters. What matters is what you choose to do with the situation as you find it. And despite all the challenges, you can choose to do some very spectacular, wonderful, valuable things. Life is what it is, yet none of it has to hold you back. Life is what it is, and you can make purposeful use of it all. Life is what it is, and the more eagerly you accept it the more richness you can create with it. Instead of complaining about the injustice and inconvenience, get busy and create a more compelling and robust alternative. It’s no big news flash that there are problems in the world, so don’t waste your time spreading the word about them. Make the choice to invest your time building and spreading true goodness in your own special way. This day is as it is, and with it you can do great things. Imagine the best possibilities, and enthusiastically give them life. — Ralph Marston Read more: http://greatday.com/motivate/110521.html#ixzz1N0mB5TDx

Living With a Drinker

It's hard being around other drinkers and stoners when you aren't indulging... And it's so hard not to take their inventory... I can only imagine the challenge if you are living with the person... You just live your sober life... Either they will want what you have eventually... or they won't...

I never recognized my patterns as alcoholism til I read "The High Functioning Alcoholic"...
It's SOO much easier to quit than it was to regulate it... And I handle things much better during the week because I'm not saving up all the little resentments to "get even" with a binge... Like I said, they'll either get it or they won't... Either way, it's God's will.

A Note to a Newcomer

Good Morning, Grasshopper...
Glad to hear you are taking to "the program" like a duck to water.... That's how it worked for me, too... With enthusiasm... I like that you are replacing cocktails with soothing Trader Joe teas... I gotta try the calming one you mentioned... Also, I know you like dark chocolate... I buy the gigantor 72% ones at Trader Joes and use their tiny squares when I need my endorphin blast... Also... Meditation works for me... And if I drift off from that into a short REM nap all the better... The self absorbed stuff I totally relate to.... The beauty of the steps is that they lead to Step 12... Where u come out of all the me me me to share at meetings, maybe do service, whatever, to help others... Just showing up in a newcomer meeting and sharing your own journey counts as service.... Whenever I help others, it's still about me... LOL... But I don't feel as greedy about it.... LOL... It's awesome that you knocked off your step 4 already.... A lot of people procrastinate that one for years. My sponsor had me complete Step 5 on my 90th day... And I'm still grateful to get the writing and sharing of that inventory out of the way so early....
I think I told you I used to take great pride in how many shots I could take... And surrounded myself with others who would support that... Now it's turned upside down.... There are still many situations I'm in where I just tell folks "No thanks... I'm not drinking today" and I happily order the club soda with lime.... After a while, people will notice there's something going on and will ask you about it and then you can decide how you want to handle it...
Especially at first, sensitive types like you and me might not want to make ourselves vulnerable to people that aren't sober.... There's a lot of fear and misconceptions about the program and abstinence.... If you feel like you're nuts and are about to drink or toke... Get to a meeting... Call your sponsor, or call a sober friend, including me, FIRST.... The pink cloud may not last forever and there will be challenges (like dead chihuahuas, skin cancers, dying loved ones, etc) along the way... But for me it's soooo great having a new support system at the ready... An addressbook full of sober friends, and the gift of a zillion meetings within walking distance at virtually all hours... It's group therapy for a dollar... And as a result for me, medicating reality is "off the table" as an option today...
Keep me posted!

One Year

A powerful year... A simple decision... An empowering commitment... Action and more action. And acceptance is the answer... ... One day at a time

One Whole Year

Today marks one year clean and sober! One day at a time...

Eleven Months

Picked up an 11 Month Chip at "Between Shows"... Not for me, but for the newcomer to see some recovery in progress... Been sticking close to meetings as a lot has been going down at work... And I don't like change... And rather than drown my fears in tequila, I'm having Happy Hour at the ClubHouse... Today's reading was the conclusion of Bill's Story in the Big Book. Reminds me that a person can define their own God... To get them out of their self-centeredness and to allow hope... Today, I sat in the light...

Eight Months Today

Just checking in... Today is my eighth month without alcohol and working the steps. I've worked them all at least once and continue to work them as needed... My life has changed in sooo many ways. And I'm getting much better at the "day at a time" thing... Which I believe is one of the keys to a good life... I continue to attend meetings regularly, I chair a meeting each week, and I find that keeping up this sobriety blog hasn't been a priority. That's ok... Today, I am enjoying a richer life...

Understanding the High-Functioning Alcoholic

Here's an interview with the author of Understanding the High- Functioning Alcoholic. The book, by Sarah Allen Benton is what convinced me to realize that I qualified for the program...

Her website is www.highfunctioningalcoholic.com

My First Sober Thanksgiving

Am at the Center Garden where I paused to write this blog post after a long walk on a very mild Thanksgiving evening... Had a very lazy afternoon. And that's perfectly fine... Determined to get a better grasp on the "day at a time" concept: I didn't make any advance plans for today and decided to just let the day flow on its own. I napped much of the afternoon... Then coincidentally wound up chairing the Thanksgiving AA Meeting at my home group, which was small but powerful. One guy shared that he had just put his dog to sleep and was able to express cogent gratitude. Another guy I've seen around the room many times was back with one day sober after a relapse. All amazing stuff... Have set out to make this Thanksgiving unique. So far so good. I ate at the Amish Market for the first time. A perfect and simple Thanksgiving feast... And have just walked to Chelsea down the lights of Broadway and through Herald Square... Called my parents and brother as I strolled and am thankful that all are healthy... I'll attend my first Big Meeting (as part of the opening festivities of the Big Apple Roundup)... Will get their workshop schedule, and other details abut the rest of the weekend's activities. All new to me... I walked past a LOT of open bars as I walked here and had no desire to belly up and have a beer... It's too great of a Thanksgiving Day not to be sober.

Six Months: All to the Good!

Today marks my sixth month anniversary of putting down alcohol. I'm celebrating by chairing a meeting at my home group later... Will also find my way to an Anniversary Meeting soon where they give out  monthly chips (Not all meetings around here do. Actually, few do!)...
My life is changing and has changed dramatically... All to the good...
Happy Anniversary to Me!!

Bill W Dinner

I attended the 75th Annual Bill W Dinner at the New York Hilton Hotel last night. I sat with my new friends from my home group. A fun time was had by all.

My Doggy Died

Have been struggling to find any gratitude in the sudden passing of my beloved young doggy on Friday. Came over to the Museum of Modern Art to see the "Monet Water Lillies" and find myself meditating in the Sculpture Garden and suddenly feel compelled to let a gratitude list flow: *For six years of loyalty, joy, laughs, licks, cuddles, and love.* For feeling closer than ever to my Higher Power right now...* For the love and support of many friends. Especially the dog people. And the unfamiliar ability to let that love in.* The valuable lesson that it's okay to cry with others...* That he suffered as little as possible and it was quick.* That I know that he is exactly where he needs to be right now, and that the emotions will eventually catch up to make acceptance complete because acceptance is the answer.* That I had the ability to have full-time quality time with him before his final sudden turn and I got to see him off in my arms keeping my commitment fully.* That I had/have meetings to stick close to during this difficult time.* That I was sober throughout and am remaining so today...* That I had the opportunity to prove to myself that I could be a loving dad, a responsible and thorough pet owner. * To exercise the capability to give and receive unconditional love from another.* That it's okay to feel emotionally devastated.* The innate awareness that this, too, shall pass. And especially if I don't choose to medicate the uncomfortable feelings today.* The reminder that life is short and a profound reminder to live one day at a time to the fullest.

Purple Chip!

Picked a four month chip yesterday. One of the meetings I attend regularly does the chip thing to celebrate every month in the first year. (Most New York meetings seem to skip from 90 days to one year, and then yearly)...  The chairman explains that we pick up these chips not for ourselves, but to show the newcomer that sobriety is within reach... So I got me a purple four month chip!... The last meeting of the month brought along the coterie of Anniversary speakers: one with 90 days, three with one year, one with three years, and one with 25 years... One speaker noted that we are ALL just as close to the next drink... Another pointed out that she reaffirms daily: "No matter what, I will not pick up a drink or a drug today! No matter what!.... This too shall pass". That mantra has worked well for her for 25 years and counting...

Service!

Just passed my fourth month of sobriety and I've just accepted my first serious service commitment... I'll be chairing a weekend meeting at my home group... One of the most valuable tools of the program...

Four Months

Today marks four months since I used alcohol.

A Monday Check In

Here's where I was yesterday... I went to an early morning Sunday meeting. There were only three of us. And that was just perfect... We read Step 11 in the "12 & 12" which to me boils down to: Prayer = Asking. Meditation = Listening... I've shared recently that I am completely in touch with the fact that the caregiving that I do at work can completely deplete me. And that I would cluelessly use alcohol to mask and medicate myself. I was a resentment collector, saving up all the angst for the first next opportunity for "binge night at the local dive bar". Now, since working the steps, I find that I'm working harder at more quickly "letting go" of resentments as I go along, and not saving them up at all... Very interesting how it works.... Meanwhile, I do have more than my fair share of work-induced anxiety, and that annoying knot feeling is another reminder that I need to be alert to the temptation to medicate it with alcohol... One day at a time.... Including today, where I am headed to a an early morning meeting before launching the work week. I'm grateful that it's there...

A Grape Juice Toast to a Sober Work Year Ahead

This is my first day of a brand new work year... And I'm Sober! While I began getting sober during the end of the last work year... I've never launched a new work year (with all the changes, lack of control, challenges, personalities, politics, anticipation anxiety, authority figures, lifestyle changes and fear) without medicating myself... * I'm grateful to have a job at a time when so many do not. * I'm grateful for having had a summer off to self care and to enjoy several meetings a day, study the literature, develop a network of support, and to cleanse my body of the ill effects of binge drinking.... * I'm grateful for the knowledge that the challenge begins a day at a time. * I'm grateful for a morning Round Robin meeting that's along the walk to work, that I plan to stop in today to launch the work year on a bright and positive note. * I'm grateful for Twenty Four Hours A Day for a morning meditation to help launch my day... Here we go...

100 Days: Feelin the Love

Well, today is Day 100... Most people stop actually counting days at day 90 and then begin denoting their Anniversary date by Months and then Years... But the number "100" is round enough and important sounding enough that I plan to denote it today... LOL... The fact that 100 days has gone by without me drinking alcohol and going to hang out at the local dive bar is a miracle unto itself... I'm still in the midst of attending and speaking at the various month-end Anniversary Meetings at the four places I've attended the most during these early days of my recovery... Makes you feel a bit like a rock star! LOL... So, I have quite a few tokens and chips given to me by group leaders (and very kind individuals) in each meeting. Some meetings present a greeting card signed by all the members in attendance... Some friends in the program, gave me a card on the side... And each involves some kind of cake as a birthday gift!... Sweet traditions all... All of these "gifts of sobriety" challenge this recipient to start "letting in the love"... I attended my first Business Meeting yesterday of what I consider to be my Home Group.... It's the first step for me in putting my toe in the water of a service commitment... Will be heading back to work soon and will need to adjust my meeting schedule significantly.... But I trust it will all work out a day at time... One more Anniversary Meeting this weekend...

90th Day: Quite Remarkable

Had a quite remarkable day 90 in my recovery... I made an early morning meeting and cried as I shared my day count. This landmark of self care is a milestone for someone who so often lives outside himself, caring for others, was moving to me... Then, a later morning meeting where I was unexpectedly asked to qualify on my 90th day... This was a gift. And frankly, I was glad it was last minute, and I had no time to plan or over organize and just let it flow (Let go and let God)... My sponsor sent an email that his day schedule was abruptly changed and he wanted to move my 5th Step appointment with him forward by three hours... *Perfect*, as it meant I could attend the Clubhouse Meeting later that has been the most integral meeting in my recovery so far.... Lesson of my 5th Step?: It's no big deal. And all our once powerful secrets are disarmed by sharing them with another...When I came home, I added to my notes and let flow a more complete list of specific character defects that came up in my 4th and 5th steps. I'll need this list soon in my continuing step work.... Then to the Clubhouse, where I had the surprise opporunity to chair my first meeting... (There's a 90 day sobriety requirement to chair at this particular meeting). It was the one "open meeting" of the week, and I read the next chapter of "Living Sober" and then conducted the meeting. This meeting is especially important to me, as I remember the first meeting I attended here, and how I was sitting alone and very unhappy in the back of the room. Today, I was in the front of the room, and happy. A gift of sobriety and working the program... So my Day 90 was quite a day.... What comes next??..... Day 91 comes next. Day at a time...