25th Day

Have now been to as many meetings as I have sober days. And since I attended my first meeting, I have been able to keep up a commitment to attend at least one meeting a day. Sometimes two.... Sunday brought two meetings. The morning one on West 42nd was especially powerful because the speaker shared SO many of my issues and he has accumulated about ten years of sobriety. I could identify with searching for validation outside myself as a performer, and then resenting it. He brought back childhood memories of creme de menthe on ice creak, uncles giving kids beer, and family fights at the dinner table with dinner pushed back later and later for cocktail hour... This was one guy that I would've asked to be my sponsor. He even shared how he'd read Marianne Williamson and then go off on a bender... I could so relate. Alas, he did not raise his hand at the break indicating that he was available to be a sponsor... So as Marianne wold say: "If the train doesn't stop at your station, it's not your train..." Other shares included mentions of side addictions... video stores, shopping, food. "Why can't we ever get addicted to something healthy like exercise" drew laughter... A musician from a cruise ship shared how he's trying to remain sober w/ those Bill W. meetings w/pax on his vessel... As for me, I cried for the 1st time while sharing. HATED that!

Second meeting was on way to a big show biz event that I feared might trigger feelings that I would want to medicate... So, I went to the meeting "to hit re-set"... There was a prisoner here just released, and for a fleeting moment, I was thinking I would take him home and rescue him... Lord help my thinking! Jeeze. I shared... And one of the older timers gave me his #. I didn't call. Still haven't felt comfortable making a program call... I HATE the phone... Anyway, it was another day sober.... And I'm just not drinking and going to meetings.

(Message composed on my T-Mobile Sidekick LX 2009 mobile device).