Saturday, June 20, 2009

Day 31

Just back from a meeting at the Clubhouse. I spent the whole thing feeling like I wasn't as good a drunk as everyone else. Sounds funny, but that's what I was feeling... So I sat low in my chair and kept my head from the purview of the chairman and was relieved when no one called on me at the pitch (This is a meeting where you don't raise your hand, the person before you just picks whoever they feel like it. It's often to someone they know... Or also someone randomly)... This meeting was full of heavy duty addicts and alcoholics, who had arrests, death wishes and suicide attempts, and many were in a rehab program now and this was their meeting of the day... Most or all had shared about intense relapses...Wow. Brought home to me that I would *definitely* want to make a relapse worst than anything I had ever done before. That's just what I do... I'd want it to be bigger and worst and add some drugs and try to get the biggest high yet before I'd ever want to get back to abstinence and the rooms.... If I ever did have the desire to recover after riding so high... It's a scary thought. So, instead, I just won't drink today... And I went to a meeting. "Don't drink, and go to meetings. Don't drink and go to meetings".... The last 15 minutes of the meeting are for people to raise their hands to speak... The chair called on me by name at the end of the meeting even though I hadn't even raised my hand (He's been supportive in the past)... And so I pretty much shared all of the above with the group... I also shared my day count of 31 days at the break...

1 comment:

Neil said...

Good for you. It does get easier, and the 1st time is a gift, so don't give it up, so many never make it back.
When I got sober, there were 7 of us in our little newcomers group, today there are 2, me and my friend Kathy who brought me into Aa, 2 dead, 3 strung out on things they swore they would never do.
I have been where u are, u know I wouldn't lie, just keep up the great work, and God will bless you (for sending me that picture by the way)

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