Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Day 34

The chair asked me to read Acceptance at the start of the meeting. It's a tradition at this meeting that it's read at the start of each meeting. ... The other reading at today's late afternoon meeting was on the subject of Anger from Living Sober... (Love that little book! It's an easy read and very useful!)... Anyway, I got picked pretty early to share... And I shared that I don't really understand anger. Growing up in an alcoholic and rage-aholic household I never learned how to express anger. And childhood anger expressed was met with 10 times the rage from my parents. Stuff like "I'll give you something to cry about" and so forth.... To this day, I'm not even clear when I'm angry as opposed to fearful, resentful, or anything else. I just know it makes me feel "anxious" and I want to medicate it. I learned early to turn anger inward... And drinking for me was to turn the anger inward and obliterate who I was, (and also to take another day and half to recover from a hangover)... I expressed how I would drink "at" my parents, even as an adult... I wasn't sure I was even making myself clear as I was sharing today... But, a woman, later, at the end of the meeting acknowledged me and used what I said to go off on her own share of how she identified with drinking "at" her father... Shared my day count at the meeting, also... 34 days.

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