Monday, June 22, 2009

Day 33

Home from a meeting at the Clubhouse... My share: Am very much *not* living in the moment today. In fact, I'm essentially "climbing out of my skin" to get past this week of work and to the vacation period that lies ahead after the closing bell on Friday... Am thinking of a binge of some kind to "knock myself out" so I can sleep through this feeling and into tomorrow... While drinking is out of the question for me, I could easily binge on a whole turkey and then sleep it off... I shared how I've decided at this stage of sobriety that I hate people. People here laughed in recognition, I guess... I talked about a lunch the other day where this big group of hikers went to a restaurant together for lunch... And the voice in my head was over the top. Someone would ask about whether to get beef or chicken and I would think "you stupid fuck!"... And someone couldn't make a decision about something else, and I'm thinking "Well, that's because you're an idiot!" I'm an addict and I want things *NOW*. "This is where we'll go? OK then let's GO!". "Let's eat. Good. Where's the check?" I have noooo patience for dawdlers... A character defect? Impatiernce? Non-tolerance? Something like that! Prolly! Anyway, I committed at the meeting to not drinking tequila, but eating a bag of Fritos isn't out of the question... As it turns out I stopped on the way home and bought a slew of fresh berries and cherries... Running into people here from other meetings that I've sat next to, or chatted with before a meeting, and we say hi. So I don't hate ALL people! LOL... Anyway, I'm sober today. It's day 33.
PostScript: I realized later that "Acceptance is the answer..." It's ok if I feel this way today. It's ok... (See sidebar for pg 449 text.

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